Why Men Avoid Therapy — and Why It Might Be Exactly What You Need
When life feels heavy, many people consider therapy. But for men, reaching out for help often feels harder.
You may have been told to “man up,” “get on with it,” or keep your feelings to yourself. Perhaps you’ve learned to cope by working harder, distracting yourself, or putting on a brave face. On the surface, it can look like you’re managing. Inside, though, you might feel stuck, anxious, or exhausted.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and therapy might be the one step that helps you move forward.
Why Men Often Avoid Therapy
Research shows there are clear reasons why men hesitate to seek counselling:
Stigma around mental health — In the UK, three times as many men as women die by suicide, yet men are far less likely to seek help before crisis point (Mental Health Foundation, 2022). For many, talking about mental health still feels taboo.
Fear of being judged — A scoping review found that men often imagine therapy as critical or clinical, which puts them off before they’ve tried it (Seidler et al., 2018).
Difficulty finding the words — Talking about feelings may not come easily, making therapy feel daunting.
Belief they should solve problems alone — Traditional masculine norms often encourage men to “tough it out” rather than ask for support (Rochlen et al., 2010).
Uncertainty about what therapy is like — Without experience, it can seem unfamiliar, intimidating, or “not for men.”
What Happens When Men Don’t Get Support
Avoiding therapy doesn’t make stress go away. Often it builds up, showing itself in other ways:
Irritability or snapping at loved ones
Struggles with sleep, focus, or motivation
Coping with alcohol, overwork, or distraction
Disconnection in relationships
Quietly carrying anxiety, sadness, or shame
Left unchecked, these patterns can lead to burnout, relationship breakdowns, or worsening mental health (Mental Health Foundation, 2022).
Why Therapy Might Be Exactly What You Need
Therapy isn’t about weakness. It’s about giving yourself space to look after your wellbeing — just as you’d see a GP for your physical health.
Here’s how it can help:
A safe, private space — time away from pressures to focus on you.
No judgment — therapy offers understanding and acceptance.
Practical support — tools to handle stress, navigate change, and strengthen relationships.
Deeper self-understanding — exploring who you are and what you need.
Prevention — tackling difficulties before they escalate.
Why Person-Centred Counselling Works for Men
One of the most effective ways therapy can support men is through a person-centred approach.
This type of counselling is built on three conditions: empathy, unconditional acceptance, and genuineness (Rogers, 1957; StatPearls, 2023). It doesn’t push you into a rigid programme or demand you share before you’re ready. Instead, it creates a safe, collaborative space where you can explore life at your own pace.
Many men find this especially useful because:
You stay in control of what you share
The focus is on understanding you, not “fixing” you
Sessions can adapt to your pace — slower, more structured, or allowing pauses
It’s about trust, respect, and working together
UK-based research also shows that person-centred experiential therapies are as effective as CBT in NHS settings (BACP, 2021), which means you don’t have to choose a “one-size-fits-all” approach to get results.
What Men Often Work on in Therapy
Some common themes men bring to therapy include:
Coping with divorce, redundancy, or fatherhood
Struggles in relationships (partners, family, colleagues)
Anxiety, stress, or burnout
Feeling stuck in midlife or questioning identity
Living with ADHD or other neurodivergent experiences
Anger and frustration that feel hard to manage
What Therapy Is Really Like
If you’ve never tried counselling, you might wonder what happens in a session.
You and your therapist talk through what’s on your mind (online or in person)
You set the pace — no rush, no pressure to share more than feels safe
Over time, trust builds and deeper conversations emerge
Some sessions feel light, some more challenging — both can be valuable
Many men are surprised at how “normal” therapy feels once they begin — less clinical, more human.
Taking the First Step
If you’ve been holding back from therapy, remember: reaching out doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Everyone needs support at times.
Person-centred counselling offers men:
A safe place to drop the mask and be real
Relief from stress, anxiety, and overwhelm
Stronger relationships and clearer communication
A chance to feel more in control and confident
You don’t have to wait until crisis point to seek help. Therapy can make life feel more manageable, connected, and fulfilling.
Final Thoughts
Many men delay therapy until something breaks — but it doesn’t have to be that way.
If you’re curious about how counselling could support you, I offer person-centred therapy online across the UK and face-to-face in East London. Together, we can explore what’s going on for you and find a way forward that fits.
References & Further Reading
BACP (2021). Person-centred experiential therapy is as effective as CBT. bacp.co.uk
Mental Health Foundation (2022). Men and Mental Health. mentalhealth.org.uk
Rochlen, A. B., Paterniti, D. A., & Epstein, R. M. (2010). Barriers in men’s use of counselling: The role of masculinity norms and therapy perceptions.
Rogers, C. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change.
Seidler, Z. E., et al. (2018). Engaging men in psychological treatment: A scoping review. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 9, 245.
StatPearls (2023). Person-Centred Therapy. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
